So today is National Coming Out Day. A day to celebrate coming out. Whether you are Bi, Gay, Lesbian, Queer, Transgender, or even just as a Straight Ally.

I’ve been a “straight ally” for years now. But it’s time to be open and honest about who I am and what labels most closely fit my own preferences.

For many of my friends, I doubt this will be at all surprising. For those of you who are shocked, surprised, or amazed; well, you really shouldn’t have been.

First a few facts that I think everyone knows:

• I am married to woman.
• We have 6 wonderful children together.
• We are monogamous.
• I have a man-crush on John Barrowman.
• I’m not gay.
• I live my day to day life as a cisgender male.

Now the facts that you probably didn’t know:

• I’m bisexual.
• I’m not confused.
• I’m not greedy.
• It’s not a phase.
• I don’t really fit into any specific gender label, the closest though would be “gender fluid”.

Well, that’s that then, isn’t it? I’m “OUT”. I don’t have to hide any more.

Well, mostly. As far as the gender binary thing goes, I’ll still live day-to-day presenting as a cisgender male, because 99% of the time, that’s who and what I am. Those other times when I feel more feminine, or gender neutral, or simply “non-conforming” … well, I won’t be afraid to be who I am at the moment, when those moments allow me to express.

I won’t live in fear of “being found out” because I’m OUT now. I may live some new fears that I never had while I was hiding as a white-privileged, cis-privileged, straight-privileged, male-privileged person … But, I know that I still will have all of those privileges almost all of the time.

So, really, nothing will change in my day-to-day life. I’ll still be married. I’ll still have 6 wonderful kids. At most, I’ll give myself permission to be a little more flamboyant when the mood strikes.

 

EDIT: 2026.10.07

Well, I am now separated and 2 grandbabies have been added to the list.

I’ve slid around on the gender spectrum quite a bit, but Fluid is still the closest common term, though I do also use trans and nonbinary now sometimes. I did coin a new term as well: multiphasic gender adj. 1. having the capacity to contain multiple genders at the same or none at all, influenced by mood, circumstances, whim, or unknown reasons. Example usage: I never know which gender or genders I will be on a given day or even at a given moment, they just kind of phase in and out on their own, so I must be multiphasic gender.

When it comes to sexuality, bi still works, but so does pan or gay or lesbian (sometimes it varies with gender, sometimes it stays more static.) So I just use “queer”. Simple and ambiguous. Like me.