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days roll into weeks; weeks — years; years to a lifetime.
and still I never could.
strangers become friends; friends — lovers ; and love is forever.
but I never could.
heart sends words; words — mouth; mouth stays silent.
because I never could.
I never could.
I never should.
…I never would…
silence to words; words to paper; paper to you.
strangers to friends; friends to strangers; then back again.
a lifetime rolls back into days.
And I Was.
One day we were.
And then we weren’t.
And I wanted to cry.
I still was.
But you were not.
And you became relegated to the recesses of my mind.
And I forgot to cry.
One day I found you again.
And we were again.
But you weren’t you. And I wasn’t me.
So we weren’t us anymore.
So I cried.
And I still am.
If you ask me how I’m doing;
If you wonder how I’m feeling;
I will lie to you.
I’ll tell you I’m fine.
Things are going OK.
I might hint at the truth of the matter.
I might stumble through my words.
I might give you a half-truth.
I might give you a non-answer.
But I’ll probably never tell you the truth.
I’m not fine.
Things are not OK.
I’m drowning in fear and worry.
You probably ask because you care.
But I am not capable of believing it.
Because I don’t care. So how could you?
We are all conditioned to hear these questions as small talk.
We are all conditioned to respond in kind.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Fine, you?”
“Yeah, nothing much.”
…
Stolen glances; missing chances.
Do opposites attract?
Words unspoken, vows unbroken,
All promises in tact.
Care and support, we build a fort;
You offer what I lack.
Adding to life; removing strife.
You always have my back.
You’re my best friend, I will defend.
You keep my life on track.
So today is National Coming Out Day. A day to celebrate coming out. Whether you are Bi, Gay, Lesbian, Queer, Transgender, or even just as a Straight Ally.
I’ve been a “straight ally” for years now. But it’s time to be open and honest about who I am and what labels most closely fit my own preferences.
For many of my friends, I doubt this will be at all surprising. For those of you who are shocked, surprised, or amazed; well, you really shouldn’t have been.
First a few facts that I think everyone knows:
Now the facts that you probably didn’t know:
Well, that’s that then, isn’t it? I’m “OUT”. I don’t have to hide any more.
Well, mostly. As far as the gender binary thing goes, I’ll still live day-to-day presenting as a cisgender male, because 99% of the time, that’s who and what I am. Those other times when I feel more feminine, or gender neutral, or simply “non-conforming” … well, I won’t be afraid to be who I am at the moment, when those moments allow me to express.
I won’t live in fear of “being found out” because I’m OUT now. I may live some new fears that I never had while I was hiding as a white-privileged, cis-privileged, straight-privileged, male-privileged person … But, I know that I still will have all of those privileges almost all of the time.
So, really, nothing will change in my day-to-day life. I’ll still be married. I’ll still have 6 wonderful kids. At most, I’ll give myself permission to be a little more flamboyant when the mood strikes.
EDIT: 2026.10.07
Well, I am now separated and 2 grandbabies have been added to the list.
I’ve slid around on the gender spectrum quite a bit, but Fluid is still the closest common term, though I do also use trans and nonbinary now sometimes. I did coin a new term as well: multiphasic gender adj. 1. having the capacity to contain multiple genders at the same or none at all, influenced by mood, circumstances, whim, or unknown reasons. Example usage: I never know which gender or genders I will be on a given day or even at a given moment, they just kind of phase in and out on their own, so I must be multiphasic gender.
When it comes to sexuality, bi still works, but so does pan or gay or lesbian (sometimes it varies with gender, sometimes it stays more static.) So I just use “queer”. Simple and ambiguous. Like me.
How can I define my sorrow at the passing of Lis Sladen?
I did not know her, except through the character of Sarah Jane Smith. But Sarah Jane was my first TV crush. She was also like a friend of the family. I welcomed her into my home via the television on a regular basis. I was a kid, watching Dr. Who in America via PBS reruns.
I was sad when she left the show. I rejoiced when I saw her again in The Five Doctors. Years later, I found out she had made K9 & Company, so I searched for years, trying to find a copy. When I did, I watched it and I fell in love with her all over again. I kept hoping the series would get picked up and that there would be more episodes with my dear Sarah Jane. It never was, of course.
Then the new run of the Doctor Who started, and eventually the rumor surfaced that she would be in an episode. I was awash with joy. When I watched School Reunion, I cried several times. Tears of joy, tears of sorrow, tears of empathy. I have teared up every time I’ve ever watched that episode. And I always will.
Then came Sarah Jane Adventures. I watched every episode as soon as I could find them. I loved that show as much as I loved Doctor Who, for me, it was still Doctor Who, just without the Doctor (usually.)
And now, she’s gone. There was no farewell episode to say goodbye to the character. The character still lives on, but she’ll never make a reappearance, she’ll never be seen again. There can be no good byes when she dies or retires or anything. The character will simply fade away from the Universe. But she will never fade away from my heart.
I’ve read (and listened to) many remembrances of Elisabeth Sladen. They were written or said by people close to her. Those who knew her say that Ms. Sladen was every bit as wonderful, brilliant, clever, fantastic and amazing as Sarah Jane ever was. Perhaps even more so. I never got to meet Lis but now, more than ever, I wish I had gotten the opportunity.
Fare thee well Lis Sladen, fare thee well on your next Great Adventure, where ever it may take you. And Sarah Jane, give our best to the Brig and the rest when you see them. We will miss you Sarah Jane, you were loved beyond any measure.
Here’s the deal: “choose one Cure album, and make a story, using every track on it.”
And here’s my story:
*The kiss* is the key, but there is a *catch*, it could be *torture* … *If only tonight we could sleep*, then we would be rested for the journey. Your role in all of this is by far easier, *why can’t I be you* this time? I know, I know, it is all because of *how beautiful you are*. I’m the ugly one, so I get the crap job, I have to make my way through *the snake pit* and the other perilous tasks. *Hey you*, your task is *just like heaven* in comparison. *All I want* is a refrigerated suit for the next task, after all, you wouldn’t believe just how *hot, hot, hot* it is going through that oven *one more time*. You, you get to sit and just look pretty, *like cockatoos* on display. Licking the *icing sugar* off the silver spoon. The perfect job for *the perfect girl*. *A thousand hours* later, and all I can to is *shiver and shake*, and hope that this *fight* has been worth the prize.
As the inky cloud of death fills her eyes,
he is the last image burned onto her retinae.
In time, that too fades, and all is forgotten.
An explosion lifts her out of her grave
and returns her to the realm of the living. Continue reading
princess, alone in her tower,
sharing her song.
those lucky enough to stop,
listen.
words strike the heartstrings
like felt hammers on piano wire,
infecting you with her song.
your song calls back,
and the princess listens.
for that brief exchange,
the tower dissolves
and she is not alone.
What follows is a copy/paste from a 2003 LJ post. Enjoy?
I’m new to the group. I’ll likely be a lurker at best… and just ignore the group at worst…
But, here’s my skinny.
1) I’m *ancient* 32 at last tally.
2) I’m a Cure fan.. but not a fanatic.
3) If Only Tonight will always be my favorite Cure song.
4) I was introduced back in 1987 with the KMKMKM album. After that, I went back and got all their older stuff. And cursed most of the newer stuff after that point. Since then, I’ve matured quite a bit and like almost all of their stuff, old *and* new.
5) I’ve only ever had the pleasure of attending one concert… and boy was I disappointed. That is what this post will be about…
Continue reading